There are many different ways the word “codependency “ can be defined, often making it confusing or frustrating to answer the question, “Am I codependent?”

I usually define codependency as a reliance on other people for one’s sense of self-worth or inner peace. This could look like:

• needing those around me to be “okay” in order for me to feel “okay”

• struggling to set boundaries with myself and/or others

• prioritizing others’ needs over my own

• feeling preoccupied by others’ opinions or expectations

• fixating on the emotional state of others

We often learn these behaviors and ways of orienting toward others through our early childhood experiences with our families, so codependency can feel like a fixed part of who we are. Perhaps we had an emotionally volatile and unpredictable parent that we had to closely monitor, or maybe we were put in charge of taking care of family members when we were still children ourselves. We might identify as being a “caretaker,” “giver,” or "the glue that holds ____ together,” because that’s how it has always been.

While it might feel impossible to imagine a different way of engaging with ourselves, our loved ones, and the world, learned behaviors like codependency can be unlearned! When working with those who struggle with codependency, I help clients:

• build up their sense of self-worth

• identify and articulate their feelings, needs, wants

• set boundaries

• develop reciprocal and interdependent relationships with those around them.

Developing a deeper and loving relationship with ourselves directly impacts our relationships with others, allowing us to feel a greater sense of safety, freedom, agency and compassion throughout our lives.